It’s comical really
that there is a
whatever we may call it
that invented everything
on earth and in the heavens
in absolute flawlessness
yet we struggle so tragically
to trust that very same
whatever we may call it
to handle the minuscule
troubles of our
instead remaining convinced
we can do it better on our own.
I’ve been doing quite a bit of healing work lately in various aspects of my life. Like many of us, I’m just trying to do my best to attract joy and abundance, and I know being whole is very important in the process. In order to heal whatever wounds have recently come up from the past, I’ve been doing a variety of things from meditating to exercising to talking things through with loved ones. However, one of the most helpful things in this healing process has been writing. I’ve been writing a ton lately—on this blog, in a journal, and, most recently, in the form of poetry. The poem above is one I wrote the other day.
On that particular day, I was feeling a little frustrated that certain circumstances in my life weren’t seeming to go the way I wanted them. It was night time, and it was windy (I love the wind), so I stepped out onto my balcony to feel the force of the breeze and watch the trees sway for a moment. While I was standing out there, bearing witness to the powerful energy of creation, and frustrated at how much I’ve been struggling to get things to go my way, it hit me: I’ve been trying to fight the Universe. The Universe. Literally the forces of all creation. As if, somehow, this universal energy, which keeps everything that exists in a state of perfectly organized chaos, could not handle or organize the chaos in my own life. As if I could do it better? I actually laughed out loud when I realized this, and I took a moment to surrender.
For a few days, everything was great. I had surrendered my struggles to a power far greater than me, and my heart trusted that everything would work out. Awesome.
But somehow, I slipped back into it—the feeling that I have any sort of control over certain circumstances, future desires, etc. I honestly woke up this morning feeling a little hopeless, as if it’s just too much to handle.
And it is. We might be able to maintain certain goals. We might have certain desires for our future, and it’s important to take steps that will lead us in the right direction. However, ultimately, we can decide what we want, but it’s up to the Universe to decide how we will get there. Again, we can take steps in the right direction, but we have to remain detached to an extent, trusting. The question is: how much do we want to struggle?
Do we want to struggle against the energies of all creation to try to force our desired outcome? For how long? What if there’s something even better waiting for us that we can’t see with our limited perspectives? Eventually, the Universe wins. The Universe will always win. So how long must we tire ourselves swimming against the current?
Surrendering our desires and troubles to the Universe is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength, because it takes a great deal of courage to be able to say, “I have no idea what’s going to happen, but I’m trusting that somehow, everything’s going to work out.” Honestly, how terrifying can it be to not know things? Sometimes, extremely terrifying, especially if you’re the type of person who likes to plan, predict, and feel generally secure. But it feels so much better to swim with the current, rather than against it, and we can feel secure and even excited about uncertainty. It’s full of possibility!
Unfortunately, surrender is not a one-time deal. It has to be constant. Like I said, I thought I had surrendered my troubles to the universal energy the other day, but then today, I woke up feeling terrified to let go again. It’s definitely a process.
I wish I could tell you how to surrender, but I’m still figuring it out myself. Ultimately, it comes from within our own hearts. No one can tell us when to surrender—we simply feel it, and when we feel the need to do so, we somehow know exactly what to do. It can come with quite a bit of pain, especially since—after fighting the Universe for such a long time—we might end up at a rock bottom of sorts. However, we don’t have to wait for it to get to that point. It’s much better if we don’t. We can surrender every day of our lives. Every small trouble. Every little thing that doesn’t go our way. Every desire we conceive. When we surrender all this to the Universe, and when we know we are deserving of wonderful things, the Universe will put all the pieces in place for us to live our best lives—to attract everything we desire, and then some.
Surrendering can be a really difficult task. Sometimes, I feel like I hold on so tightly to the things I desire and to the “solutions” to my problems. There’s an image that comes to mind of my hands wrapped around the steering wheel of a car really tightly, knuckles white, as if I’m afraid I’m going to crash. But this isn’t a car, and we’re not entirely in control.
One by one, I’m trying to peel my fingers off the wheel, loosen my grip, surrender my troubles to the Universe, and trust it to handle and organize the chaos of my life far better than I ever could.
I hope you’ll join me in surrendering each and every day, knowing you’re deserving of wonderful things in life.
If you have any thoughts or helpful words on surrendering, please do leave a comment! They will be much appreciated, as always.